Haven been blogging for a very very long time, don't really feel like blogging it out my feelings. Sometime some things just have to be kept in your own heart, but if you don't say it out, you will feel kind of uneasy. hmmmm... don't know how to describe too.

I guess my life now is going up and down, attached with matthew now, cherishing the time spending with him. i guess i finally can put down the burden of prince in my heart. but i still miss my prince sometime, wonder how he is doing now... anyway, i'm very happy that i found matthew, actually we do not know each other very short, we know each other for almost a year, now then i realise. in this 1 year, we are good friends, he treat me well, talk to me nicely, bring me out and fetch me home, bring nice food for me. and on my birthday he propose to me. God, thats fate right, you send him to me when i'm down, thanks God, that is the best bday gift ever. and now he still treat me very well, although he in NS now, he stilll find time for me, bring me out to enjoy and send me home. i feel bad sometimes when he bring me out, knowing he so tired, yet he still insist of meeting me, putting on the smile and cracking jokes, teasing me. i love you matt, thanks for doing all these for me, you are the best gift from gos and i hope to be with you for a very long long time. thank you for accepting me whoever i am. you know my past and you know what i been thought yet you still choose me.

paper can't cover fire for long, i guess my parents will know about me and matt together soon. a war will begin soon. i look so strong and calm, yet i know, my heart is bleed, my heart is crying. i do not know what to do... i know they really don't like matt and can't accept him, but why they just can't accept him? why you all just can't see his strong points but only focus on other things. whats wrong skin colour, whats wrong about mix blood? as long as he treat me well, i'm ok. he don't look bad, he still a human. he is talented and he know how to protect me. why? why you all just cant accept him. what should i do?

I'm like a bird in a golden cage, my leg is chain up by a small wire. sometimes the cage is open, and i can walk out just to feel some fresh air, yet i'm still tied to here, i can't fly away or do what ever i like. occasionally a bird will fly to me and talk to me, it will bring things for me, it will tell me about the outside world, but it will always get chase away by my master. she do not want me to be in danger, she do not want me to feel sad, she do not want me to get hurt, she do not want me to get lost outside. i know he good intention, but its just too suffocating. what i need is just abit of freedom and being with the people i like, and not get protected and trap in a golden cage. please, someone let me out of here... :(





for someone...

i most respected and look up on, hope you have a safe journey and take good care of yourself. i'm so sorry but i will not go send you off, tried not to see them. but i know all my prayers for you, God will help me take good care of you. he heard my prayer. when you experience some errors or things that bothers you, stay relax ok. cause when you are angry or stress up is very scary. don't be too cool ok.

5 months will be over very soon, maybe you don't even feel like coming back to singapore. anyway, enjoy the trip and hope to see you soon. i don't think you will loss contact with us as there also have internet. take lots of photo ^^

good bye, see you soon
and take good care!!!





It is disappointing when you see comment like that. lets all reflect and think before you actually say something and hurt someone so badly. go ask around my close friends, if you even got the potential to find out who they are. go ask them how i treat my friends. dun get disappointed when you get good comment about me. because i can swear i treat all my friends with all my heart and i got no regrets as i never hurt them before. if you want to copy, go ahead, i'm not scare. and i don't bother at all. what rights you have when you don't lead a life exactly like mine, do you experience whatever i have been through? you don't, so just shut up and stay out of my business. whatever i do, do you see it in your eyes? or you are blind and deaf, if you are, why you cannot shut up, stop barking like a dog. do you know why i don't bother about doing those things anymore? because even if i did, you will say i never or you will just say things that you like.

just for example, cca day. do you know i got work and lecture on that day. do you know because i think aikido family is so important to me that because of that i sacrifice both my work and lecture for that day. just because i want to go, just because i want to go and support the team and help out abit at the booth. but what i get in return, is there a thank you? i was just going to the library for awhile to check whether my module elective voting and choosing survey is out already or not and when i got back. what i get? "where have you been? you know we are so busy clearing the booth and you never help out?" so i go there is just to help you clear up and booth. ok even so, can't you just say thank you? or you are just too dumb to say it.

mat cleaning, the last mat cleaning i was not there because i got lesson, didn't i told you so already, so i'm not there. i went to SAR at 3pm to see whether you all finish already or not, if not finish i will help, but when i reach, no one is there, all the mats are gone. so is it my fault for not cleaning the mats? if i do not want to clean the mats, i will not even go all the way to SAR to check whether you all finish already or not.

everytime when i am there, i will always help out with laying the mats and setting up the mats. unless i'm late or i was doing other things, even if so, i will ask whether need to wipe mats or not, then i will go down and help, if no need to wipe why i still need to go down. everything is done already, please recall, one raining evening, all of you all are at SAR, i went down early from home, it is raining and i still go ok. ok thats not the main point, the main point is, you all are having fun at SAR, i alone at sport complex looking after all the mats that are left there, they are not even lay or set. so i stay there and look after, after a long time then i see you all walk to sport complex, then i start to help to set the mats. ok unless you got no brain, if not i really don't know what to say. don't just see what you see is true and don't bother asking or finding out the truth. the worst thing is, you are shouting at someone for no reason and you hurts the person feeling. last time when the senior ask you all to clean mats, you all got go? if you cannot remember. i teach you how to, go see the photos in facebook. if you dun see yourself in there, means you never go help. and if you never go help, then you better shut up. CAUSE I GOT GO! whatever. some people are just... you know...

anyway if you do not know me, and you don't even talk to me that often, may i know how much you know me? so you don't have the right to insult or even comment about me.

life now sucks totally, everyday have to go Sentosa to study, travelling time 1 hour 30 mins, if late means die. haix... i don't think i will go school training that often as i can't really rush back on time, maybe go outside training instead. just finish LRM orientation camp, it was fun and memorable, i know the yr 1 really enjoy!!! GOOD JOB PEOPLE!!! problem and problem and more problems, but i know all these will end. i just hope i can find back justice... started working at Esplanade, My Humble House, as a waitress. learning fine dining, good that i have future plans. haha now i'm not scare of SSM haha :P

my darlings and dearest will know how much i love and care for them, thank you girls and thanks for your supports. you all best me well and i know you will know that i'm not those type of people that they mention.

sometimes people are just too innocent or never think at all.

what are friends for? what are true friends? (i'm not saying you all my darling girls!!!)

for those i respected, i still respect, and hope you will have a safe journey and good luck in your studies and work there. i know you can do it. and you are always the best. even if you look down on me, i will still respect you as a good leader and a good mentor. for others, i will never forget those happy times we spend together and i really hope they will continue.

Joanne is 18 this year and her birthday wish is to have a happy and peaceful life cause she want to concentrate on her studies. hope all the people around her will be good and happy and fortunate. hope her dreams will come true.

good night my world

i hope you will see this. or should i link this to my facebook?





i feel that everyone have change. especially those who are close to me. but those who are not close to me suddenly become alliance. we think the same and feel the same. something is really not right. and i don't like this feeling. i really hope that good time will come back soon, like those time when we talk to each other, go out with each other, you send me home and i send you home. i call you or you call me for no reason. go out for lunch and dinner together. i really hope all these will happen again. but no. things are getting worst. and people who i expect them to behave in a certain manner doesn't turn out the same. due to external and may be some internal matters. i really miss the one big family that everyone is saying the promoting. i really hope that everything will change back. i'm disappointed in what i see now.

there are no friends, there are no enemies, they are just people who happen to walk into your life and will leave you sooner or later. no longer believe in true friendship anymore. those who are close to me will know exactly what happen. i hate backstabber and betrayer, especially that person i trust and help so much.

my days was fine? i guess? stop working as need to stay in good health before flying off. everyday is slacking, do project, training. same old shit. by the way, results are out and i did not fail any subjects. that is the biggest relieve. although i did not score well for the over all GPA, but i'm happy enough as i pass my 2 economics. did improve a bit, could have gotten a better mark, all thanks to someone. but forget it. next semester will be studying in Sentosa, hope everything will turn out well, will study very hard this time and i promise. blue-gold will be going for their grading for brown this saturday, let them know the feeling of becoming a brown and the stress we facing. so that they will stop the "brown should do this, brown should do that" policy. you think brown means i know everything. there is a limit too you know. you get brown then you know. anyway i really hate the feeling of not getting the thank you bowing every time after training. it is damn unfair! never mind, soon we will get the same belt. i shall work even harder now. slamming. and for that someone who got your black, congratulation. you really deserve it and i respect you. good shows to see soon. front roll will be messy again.

9 days to flying off. going beijing for 8 days 7 nights. from the 28 mar to the 3rd of april. see you people. gonna miss training for 1 week...

good night mortal.
signing off.
Princess Joanne





so to update my life again. a short one.

so i'm finally clear all my papers, waiting for results.. oh god no sub paper please. so now back to working in xcel. i know its kind of weird but i decided to go back because i really miss Javien, Riss, and also Wilfred. i dunno why, maybe its my first job ba. you all dun mistaken Javien as some nasty people ok, only know how to shout shout shout, its actually for your own good de lor. if he dun care about you, why bother scold you. thats why treat it ask parents scold of nag at you lor, then learn from the mistakes, you will become better. that is what i feel after leaving xcel for too long. i feel something is missing. Javien scolding really make me grow up alot, i just realise how childish i was last time, why i want to disobey his words and orders? now, i just want to concentrate and do all the best for the sales so that is he proud of me again and make me a leader again. so is 12 books a week. jiayou. left 11 books for 4 days, so is 2/3/3/3. wow i need minimum 3 books everyday to achieve allowance. maybe this week aikido i dun go. so i got 1 more day to chiong sales. then i miss Wilfred the jokes and he is just too cute and funny le. i miss Ris becoz go out field with him, he will teach you to work a full day and of coz take relavent breaks. like toilet or drinks break. then can ride a car to field, so quite shuang lar.

so people you want to join this big family? xcel is the best! those who are 16 yrs old and above, have good communication skills with people and able to control his/her attitude and emotion suit this job. you can get good money, therefore interested please contact me personally. haha ^^

something to conclude, hougang and kovan people are no life and pa4 si and pa4 shu de ren.. hahaha so i really hate hougang street.. :P

ok thats all. shall update next time, stay tune... ^^



















its the last day of school. should i be happy? next week is chinese new year. but you know what, its also study week, means i not going to enjoy my cny this year.. :( god damn it.. who plan this..

anyway last day of school was.. boring.. OMG i going to miss my year 3 seniors.. haha ytd will be the last day to see them in school as a student.. haha :P Aikido need them to be crazy. Lin quan flying kicks ahahahhaaa and he act cuteness.. hahaha and oso my fav chicken senpai who always complain that he not enough sleep... nafees lame jokes.. smelly tofu funniness... and my oh my xiao tian tian. hahahaha (omg yee sin going to kill me..) and and and pang yao the super damn cute guy.. haha and my buddy ridzwan!! haha :P ok he got nothing special except he is too serious sometimes.. :P OMG i going to miss them.. especially miss seeing them walking in school in normal school day..

okok.. so today slack until 4 to go marketing lecture.. now slacking again.. Joanne is a slacker.. :X

okok shall share with you all a veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri veri touching video... tell u a secret.. i nearly cry... meow.. :X enjoy..





好奇怪哦~ 看到你和其他女生牵手，我的心突然焦虑不安，即使你当时只是因为好玩才牵的。好希望那女生是我，是你牵着我的手，可能我太异想天开了，会有可能吗？我会有机会吗？应该是因为我已学会隐藏自己的情绪吧，我懂得如何催眠自己，还能在你面前笑，但是笑好痛苦。喜欢看你说话的表情，喜欢看你的脸部表情，喜欢你搞笑，喜欢看到你想认真的时候却涨落出可爱的一面。

最近我真的好想你，一直想，你在哪？在做什么？明天的考试我会用我全力去应付，不会丢了你的脸。好怕的高高的，这才配得上你。但我追得上吗？我只想重新能回到你身边，做回朋友，至少这样你会在我身边。

我想我已忘了如何表达我的表情了，失去的笑与泪已找不回来了。我该接受这命运的安排？

Good luck for those taking 4th Kyu Brown Belt today!!!!

Name: Joanne Ku Xin Yi
DOB: 20th May 1992
Age: 17 years old
School
Chong Zheng Pri School
Qiaonan Pri School
Tampines Sec School
(1e5,2e5,3e3,4e3)
Temasek Polytechnic
(Leisure and Resort Management)
Horoscope: Taurus/Gemini
Email: joannexinyi@hotmail.com



To God i swear
I will love you forever
and to eternity
I will remember you
until the day i die


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